An Excerpt From Koko's life Story
her story of a rather wild night at a strip bar, and her new insight into us men.

The Hick likes Naked People

November 15, 1999

I've been to strip clubs before. Well, one specific cheap "wrong side of the tracks" club on several occasions. On my first visit, I suddenly grasped a few concepts about men and their minds that I had never understood before, and it was enlightening. I suddenly *got it*. A light bulb went on in my mind as I watched five women of differing coloring and proportions gyrate onstage, *then* took a look into the crowd of men. Old, young, rich, poor, all nationalities. And you couldn't use them all to add up to an IQ of 120 at that moment. Men are very wonderful and intelligent creatures - until you place a buxom brunette in a metallic spandex number, and have her take it all off around a metal pole... you can watch in awe as all male eyes glaze, and all semblance of intelligence and civilization is washed away as that ruse onstage goes into a final flying leap into the splits.

My roommate's friend pointed out that he did not honestly understand why women didn't rule the world (this after the second or third time he faded out mid-sentence while trying to ignore the blonde onstage). I agree - if the women of the world could just unite for one week, get the best of us nude and in flashy G-strings as a diversion while the rest of us hurry through all bills and laws and hell, even make a few select changes to the constitution and the Charter... it would all be ours! Hand out grants to research projects into better birth control, health care testing on women (Rather than just on men as is usually the case in drug testing), and all other health issues that have been left aside as non-profitable. The world would become rounded towards emotional, mental and physical health with focus on our bodies, minds and children, and those that we love (even the wonderful men who will be held in stasis by three million half naked women while this is all achieved)... Yes! Ours, I say! No more infighting, catfighting, arguing! The world would be a better place, and all women could smile! An end to poverty, rape, wage problems, and lack of birth control! We shall have world domination!

Ahem... sorry about that. Just a small digression... I have no *real* plans for world domination. None. Nope... not me. :)

Anyways, as I was saying, I went to this strip club on the weekend. It wasn't planned but I unexpectantly had the night off - and since we'd thought all week that I'd have to work, we hadn't made any plans. But, I was off after all (which is why Norm, whom I work with, is a DEMI-GOD for working my shift), that didn't leave much time to replan the evening, so, I tagged along with the guys - My husband Jason, my roommate Bert, and their friend Carl. The first club we went to was showing the fight, so we continued on through the rain to a lovely establishment on Granville St. called The Cecil. Jason giggled that it must be classy because it had valet parking (I guess you had to be there - it's a place with a rear entrance, and the valet guy looked seriously drunk and rather pathetic under his umbrella. Oh, and he took your car and parked it within 15 feet because the parking lot was right there... you'd probably park and get out before realizing that it was valet). ANYWAYS, we went in, paid for cover and an expensive beer, and after about an hour, finally got a table. The place was packed. I drank much, and stared at the strippers and the men watching them, and that would have been the whole night if not for Miss Nude Edmonton/Calgary/etc.
 

I mean, the sound and light show leading up to her spot had me actually paying complete attention to the stage - "2001: Space Odyssey" with smoke and flashing lights and the works... and when I saw her hang upside down and sideways from one of the stage poles, I was fascinated. She's a contortionist, or something, and any woman that can put her thighs behind her shoulders is someone who's got a talent that I've got to respect. So, after she was done her 20 minute stint, they announced that she was available for "Nude Personal Photos". My ears perked. I actually enjoyed her show quite a bit (it was flashy and full of gymnastic marvels) and I casually mentioned that I should get in line. Jason has quite a collection of pics of him with strippers from across the prairies, but I didn't have one. Jason blushed and hunkered down in his seat when Bert offered to chip in half if I actually went, so off we skipped to meet her. Bert buggered off as soon as I was at the front of the line - such a pansy ass - and handed the cash to the way-too-small bouncer, and so, I met Miss Portia all on my own. Very nice gal, great smile, and the boobs sure felt real although I doubt that they were (I accidentally grabbed her breast when putting my hand on her arm - she moved her arm down while I was putting my hand, and... well, doesn't matter... it was embarrassing but she was nice about it). Not to be outdone, Jason got his pic taken a couple of hours later at the next opportunity. And, another reason why Miss Portia is so sweet... check out the signature. :)

 

So, I now have my story about me, a hot stripper, a dark room and a Polaroid camera. Do you?